Hi my ministry wives 🤍
It has been forever since I posted here. Not because I did not care and not because I ran out of words. Life just happened.
I got busy. Busier than I wanted to be. Busier than I should have been. You know how it goes. I can do that. Oh yes, I can add that too. Wait, I should probably do that as well.
And honestly, I enjoyed most of it. I am grateful for the opportunities, the people, the serving, the yeses. Truly. But somewhere along the way, I looked around and realized that some of my things, the quiet things, the life giving things, were left behind.
Not intentionally. Just slowly.
Then comes that uncomfortable moment when you realize you do not even remember what you like anymore. Not what is useful. Not what serves others. Not what fills a need. But what you enjoy.
Maybe it is sitting quietly and reading a book. Not a book to learn from. Not a book to study. Just a fun book.
As women and especially as ministry wives, we wear so many hats that eventually we become a blend of all of them. Helper. Supporter. Organizer. Listener. Counselor. Fill in the blank. At some point, it gets hard to tell where you end and the roles begin.
I remember reading a book years ago. I do not remember the title, but the story stayed with me. A pastor from a church that later became quite large shared something very honest. At one point, his wife wanted to separate.
Nothing scandalous. No infidelity. No abuse.
She was simply tired.
Her mom came to stay with them and said they were going to pray and fast and figure out what was really going on. What came out was this. She was tired of being the pastor’s wife. Tired of the expectations. Tired of always filling in. Tired of being needed.
She did not know who she was outside of that role. What she liked. What refreshed her. What brought her joy.
She had four kids, a home, a church, and a full life of constant giving. And this was in a large church with resources, staff, and volunteers. Not a small church where the same few people do everything and everyone is afraid to step back because what if no one else does it.
We know that pressure well.
I remember talking with a friend about our time in seminary and joking that the best thing I learned there was work smarter not harder. We laughed, but it stayed with me.
I came from a season where the unspoken rule was that everything else came later. Family later. Health later. Rest later. The church always came first.
You worked until you were exhausted. Burned out. Running on fumes. And if you did, you were praised. Good job. You are doing it for the Lord.
But if you paused. If you missed something. If you chose your family or your health for once, the response was very different. How dare you. We are paying you to be there.
Long hours were praised as holiness. Overextension was confused with faithfulness. Boundaries were often labeled selfish or lazy.
But Scripture never equates burnout with godliness.
Jesus Himself said in Mark 6:31, Come away by yourselves to a quiet place and rest for a while.
Psalm 127:2 reminds us, It is in vain that you rise up early and stay up late, eating the bread of anxious toil, for He gives sleep to His beloved.
Sleep and rest and limits are not rewards for after ministry. They are gifts from God within it.
Jesus often withdrew to quiet places to pray. If the Son of God did not live at the mercy of endless expectations, why do we think we must.
Work smarter not harder is not worldly wisdom. It is stewardship. Stewardship of our bodies, our families, and our souls.
So my ministry wife friend, in the middle of the chaos that December always brings into churches, hear this.
Your family comes first. They need the best of you, not what is left of you.
Rest without guilt. I am still working on that.
Say no more often. I am still working on that too.
And when you have a day off, let it be truly off. Not off but still answering texts. Not off but checking email. Not off but available just in case. Off means off.
God is not impressed by our exhaustion. He is not honored by our neglect of the people He entrusted to us.
Mark 8:36 says, What good is it for someone to gain the whole world, yet forfeit their soul.
What good is it to serve everyone else faithfully while quietly losing yourself and your family in the process.
You are allowed to rest. You are allowed to set boundaries. You are allowed to protect your joy.
Be still and know that He is God. Psalm 46:10.
The church will survive your obedience to God’s design.
Your family needs it. And so do you 🤍
Love,
Andrea Anderegg
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