Breaking Free from Unrealistic Expectations as a Ministry Wife

Happy New Year, dear sisters!  As we step into 2025, let’s embrace this fresh start by breaking free from the unrealistic expectations that may have weighed us down in the past. This is a time to refocus on God’s calling for our lives, prioritize our families, and find renewed joy in serving Him.

Have you ever felt the weight of expectations pressing down on you and your children? In ministry, it’s easy to feel like you’re under a magnifying glass. People sometimes expect us to be everything to everyone, and our children to fit an unspoken mold of perfection. Yet, God never calls us to be anyone but who He created us to be.

Our first ministry is our family: Scripture reminds us of our priorities “But if anyone does not provide for his own, especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.” (1 Timothy 5:8)

Our first ministry is our home—our spouse and children. They need our time, love, and attention, not what’s left over after we’ve poured ourselves out trying to meet everyone else’s expectations. As Paul Tripp writes, “No one gives grace better than a parent who humbly admits that they desperately need it themselves.” That same grace applies to us as wives.

Setting boundaries isn’t selfish—it’s biblical. Jesus Himself withdrew from the crowds to rest and pray (Mark 1:35). He didn’t meet every demand or expectation placed on Him, yet He fulfilled the will of the Father perfectly. It’s okay to lovingly say no. In fact, it’s necessary. When we set healthy boundaries, we’re protecting our ability to serve joyfully where God has truly called us. We’re also modeling healthy relationships for our children, teaching them that their value doesn’t come from performance or people-pleasing.

As Elisabeth Elliot said, “God has not called us to be successful, but faithful.” Faithfulness sometimes means choosing what aligns with God’s Word over what pleases people.

Sometimes, leaving is necessary: There are seasons when remaining in an unhealthy environment does more harm than good—to our families, our faith, and even the ministry itself. While ministry does require sacrifice, it isn’t meant to be a continual state of suffering.

The Bible calls us to stand for truth and to seek peace whenever possible (Romans 12:18). Staying in a place where truth is compromised or where biblical principles are disregarded doesn’t glorify God. There is far more joy when we serve in a healthy environment where His Word is honored, and relationships are built on love, grace, and accountability.

If God leads you to step away, trust that His plans for you are good. Sometimes, obedience means walking away from what isn’t aligned with His will, trusting Him to lead you to a healthier place of ministry.

Remember you are your own person: God has given you unique gifts and passions. While many of us have served in women’s or children’s ministry because of need, it’s important to also pursue areas where we thrive. "Now there are different gifts, but the same Spirit. There are different ministries, but the same Lord. And there are different activities, but the same God produces each gift in each person." (1 Corinthians 12:4-6)

Some of us are gifted in music, counseling, teaching, or even areas like graphic design or hospitality. These gifts may not always fit the traditional expectations of a pastor’s wife, and that’s okay. God didn’t create us to conform to a mold but to glorify Him through the unique ways He’s equipped us.

As women, we have incredible value in God’s kingdom. Proverbs 31 beautifully portrays the strength, wisdom, and influence of a godly woman. Verse 30 reminds us, “Charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting, but a woman who fears the Lord will be praised.”

Your worth isn’t tied to how well you meet expectations but to your relationship with God and the ways He uses you to glorify Him. When you walk in His truth, you reflect the beauty and value He has placed within you.

Dealing with expectations in truth and love: When others have unrealistic expectations, respond with grace and truth. Remember, their opinions—though sometimes well-meaning—aren’t the measure of your obedience. Gently remind them that your family comes first and that you are seeking to follow God’s direction for your life.

Proverbs 29:25 is a great reminder: “The fear of mankind is a snare, but the one who trusts in the Lord is protected.” Trusting God means being faithful to His calling, not living for human approval.

Finally, sister, give yourself permission to rest in the knowledge that God’s opinion of you is all that matters. You are loved, chosen, and enough in Christ—not because of what you do, but because of who He is.

Let’s walk this road together, lifting one another up in prayer and reminding each other that we are free to serve where God calls—not where the world expects.

With love and grace as we begin this new year,

Andrea Anderegg 💙